Not Sure Who to Vote for This Year? Here’s the Perfect Candidate
In each election cycle, finding the best candidate can be a daunting and challenging task. To vote or not to vote is rarely the question, but who to vote for can be a problem. This year is no exception. The adage is true: what you see is not always what you get. I’m here to help you to choose the best candidate.
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I have worked through a list of potential candidates. After a lengthy vetting process, I have eliminated all but one of them. No doubt, the best person is the most qualified. Before you cast your vote, make sure you know the whole truth about all these potential candidates.
- Adam: A good man, but he had problems with his wife. Also, one reference told of how he and his wife enjoyed walking nude in the woods.
- Noah: Former pastorate of 120 years with not even one convert. Prone to unrealistic building projects.
- Abraham: Though the references reported wife-swapping, the facts seem to show he never slept with another man’s wife but offered to share his wife with another man.
- Joseph: A big thinker, but a braggart, believes in dream-interpreting and has a prison record.
- Moses: He was a modest and meek man but poor communicator, even stuttering at times. Sometimes blows his stack and acts rashly. Some say he left an earlier church over a murder charge.
- David: The most promising leader of all until we discovered his affair with his neighbor’s wife.
- Solomon: Great preacher, but our relocation costs for all his wives are out of our budget.
- Elijah: Prone to depression. Collapses under pressure.
- Elisha: Some have reported that he lived with a single widow while at his former church.
- Hosea: A tender and loving pastor, but our people could never handle his wife’s occupation.
- Deborah: Strong leader and seems to be anointed, but she is female.
- Jeremiah: Emotionally unstable, alarmist, negative, always lamenting things, reported having taken a long trip to bury his underwear on the bank of a foreign river.
- Isaiah: On the fringe? Claims to have seen angels in church. He has trouble with his language.
- Jonah: Refused God’s call into ministry until God forced him to obey by getting swallowed up by a great fish. He told us the fish later spit him out on the shore near here. We hung up.
- Amos: He’s too backward and unpolished. He might have more promise with some seminary training but might fit in better with a poor congregation. He has a hang-up against wealthy people.
- Melchizedek: Great credentials at his current workplace, but where does this guy live? No information on his resume about former work records. Every line about parents was left blank, and he refused to supply a birth date.
- John: Says he is a Baptist but doesn’t dress like one. Has slept in the outdoors for months on end, has a weird diet, and provokes denominational leaders.
- Peter: Too blue-collar; he has a bad temper, and people say that he’s a curser. Then he had a big run-in with Paul in Antioch. Aggressive, but a loose cannon.
- Paul: He is an influential CEO-type leader and fascinating preacher. However, short on tact, unforgiving with younger ministers, harsh, and has been known to preach all night.
- James & John: Package deal preacher and associate seemed promising at first, but found out they have an ego problem regarding other fellow workers and seating positions. They threatened an entire town after an insult. Also known to try to discourage workers who didn’t follow along with them.
- Timothy: Too young!
- Methuselah: Too old—WAY too old!
- Jesus: Has had popular times, but once his church grew to 5,000, he managed to offend them all, and then this church dwindled to twelve people. Seldom stays in one place very long. And, of course, he’s single.
- Judas: His references are reliable. A steady plodder. Conservative. Good connections. Knows how to handle money. We’re inviting him to preach this Sunday. There are possibilities here.
(This list has been around the Internet for some time. I’m not sure who wrote this. If you know the original author, please let me know so that I can give proper attribution.)
Call to Action
- What is this election revealing about your heart? Would you characterize yourself as contented in faith even though the world is falling apart around you? Are you more fearful? If you are, will you ask someone to come alongside you?
- The words you use to talk about what’s happening in society reveal your relationship with the Lord. I know you know this, and my goal is not to guilt you into more discouragement. But we must make accurate assessments of our lives. If not, a downward spiritual trend will take you to some dark places. What is one specific way to change your mind about how you think about this current election season?
- This post is humorous. I hope that you smiled as you read. How are joy and laughter operating in your life today?
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