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My husband’s lack of interest in our marriage has left me in a surreal search for self-worth through a myriad of surrogate husbands. These tack-on “husband replacements” are not working. I went to a bible study and learned what it meant to be a Christian, e.g., discipline, commitment, being nice, and Christian duty. So I gave them a try.
Discipline was exhausting. Commitment became over-commitment. Being nice swallowed my joy. More duty led to less freedom. Now I’m trapped while I wait on my prince, who is off pursuing his personal love affair with himself.
I remember when we first began dating. With creativity and resolve, my husband set his sights on me. Today? He left a long time ago and settled for false lovers that have not brought the satisfaction he craves.
I want my husband to know me. I want to know that I am worth fighting for and rescuing. My adventurer turned into milquetoast. He would deny this, but he is an imposter. He has set his life trajectory, and he is bouncing from one orbit to the next in search of only God knows what. His life does not touch my soul, and I live a life of disconnectedness from my used-to-be adventurous husband.