If you could share the top 50 things that you would want your daughter to take into her adulthood, what would you say to her? Here are the 50 things I shared with my daughter.
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My Dearest Darling Daughter,
You’re growing up so fast. It seems as though it was only a short time ago when I was carrying you on my back. That ship has sailed. You’re a young lady now, and getting prettier by the day.
It won’t be long before your time comes to leave our home and make a life that is uniquely your own–the one the Lord is writing for you. Just thinking about that day makes me sad, but it also excites me. I’ve had a front row seat to your story, and it has been a blast to watch.
As I was thinking about you this week, I started writing a few thoughts that might help you as you think about your future. These things are not in any particular order, but all of them have a significance. Some of these things will come sooner than later, but I hope all of them will be appropriate and beneficial for you. Here you go.
Fifty Things I Want My Daughter to Know
1. Don’t just marry a Christian. Christians are a dime a dozen. Marry a person who acts like Jesus. When you line up the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), there should be little difference between your boyfriend and Jesus. That’s the guy of your dreams. Any other kind of man will be a nightmare.
2. Boys are not as strong and invincible as they would want you to believe. If you don’t learn the “book” before you fall in love with the “cover,” you’ll be disappointed with the content.
3. Don’t spend your teenage years primarily playing sports, or anything else that you will not be doing when you’re fifty. Spend the best part of your days practicing the things you will be doing (and should be doing) for the rest of your life. Your hobbies, whether in your teen or adult years, should not be your primary focus. (Unless you can make a living doing your hobby.)
4. Brush your teeth at least twice a day, no matter what. I paid a lot of money for your mouth. See how long you can make it last.
5. The key to not being critical, angry, unkind, or self-righteously judgmental of others is never to forget that it was you who put Jesus on the cross. If you spend your days near the cross, while never forgetting why God put Jesus there, your heart will be humbled, and your attitude toward others will be gracious.
6. You know the question: Who is the biggest sinner in the room from your perspective (1 Timothy 1:15)? You also know the answer, and if you never forget it, you will have wonderful relationships.
7. You were not put on earth for folks to serve you. You’re here to serve others (Mark 10:45). The more you give yourself away to others, the fuller you will be.
9. Don’t ever smoke. Anything.
10. Use the guy test when it comes your time to find one:
- How does he treat his mother?
- How does he treat his sisters (if he has any)?
- Why does he like you? (To glorify God has to be in his answer.)
- Does he have self-control?
- Will he keep his hands off of you?
- Has he learned how to mortify his fear of man?
11. Find out how to fail well. Embrace failure. Don’t be afraid of it. Your greatest lessons and most profound pleasures will come out of your defeats.
12. Never stop reading books. Read all kinds of books.
13. Small talk leads to deep talk. Do both well. Be silly. Be serious. Be all things in-between.
14. When you do something dumb, don’t cover it up. Own and discuss your mistakes with your close friends.
15. Keep on laughing at yourself. Laugh a lot. You’ll be healthier if you laugh often. Be free to laugh real loud in restaurants. Don’t be obnoxious, but be willing to give yourself over to spontaneous and uninhibited laughter.
16. Never give anyone power over you. The quickest way for this to happen is if they have something you believe you must have. Here are some of those things people crave: approval, acceptance, love, significance, or a fear of rejection. Don’t let this happen to you. Ever.
17. Your main family is not biological, but spiritual. Your bio family (us) will go away, but your spiritual family (us) will never end. Build strong and deep Christian relationships. Value community.
18. Go to bed on time and get up on time. Be disciplined, but do not be rigid. Have cheat days. Be spontaneous too. If you want to stay up past midnight watching a movie, go for it.
19. Eat healthily. Don’t eat fast food.
20. Always brag on others. Never brag on yourself.
21. Always gossip about yourself. Never gossip about others.
22. Don’t just read your Bible, but study it in such a way that it begins to master you. You don’t have to read your Bible every day; nobody does, let’s be honest, but you should be practicing it every day.
23. Memorize Bible chapters because there are less of them (only 1189).
24. Your strengths will be your greatest weaknesses. While you should guard your weaknesses, you must doubly guard your strengths. They will get you in more trouble than your weaknesses. “An unguarded strength is a double weakness.” – Oswald Chambers
25. The main four words for your life will never change: Love God, Love Others (Matthew 22:26-40). Master and practice these four words more than anything else.
26. Making straight A’s in school is not important. Nobody cares unless you’re a student in school or the parent of a student in school. You do your best according to how the Lord has gifted you. Life is not about straight A’s, but about glorifying God in all you do (1 Corinthians 10:31). Those who compare themselves with others are not wise (2 Corinthians 10:12).
27. Don’t wear “church clothes” to the church meeting. Be yourself. That is the person the Lord knows and the one He loves.
28. Buy things you want. God gives us more than we deserve. You can steward the Lord’s money and still enjoy blessings that are beyond your need list.
29. Nobody can touch you without your permission. If they try to, do one of the following: (1) hit them, (2) run from them, (3) tell me, (4) yell “fire” at the top of your lungs, (5) all of the above.
30. Practice these three things:
- “I will take risks, but not be foolish.”
- “I will spend a lot of time thinking.”
- “I will do things that matter for eternity sake.”
31. Don’t drink beer. It’s nasty. Don’t drink alcohol of any kind if it’s going to cause your friends to stumble (1 Corinthians 8:1-13), but don’t be controlled by the preferences of your friends. There are two ditches here. You’ll need the wisdom that God gives to figure this out.
32. Don’t be controlled by the bathroom scale, but don’t be afraid of it. Use it often, but make sure it is to glorify God, not because you are stuck on yourself.
33. Your best friends will be the ones who will tell you the whole truth about you (Proverbs 27:6). Find them. Pursue them. Cherish them. Do not build companions who will always agree with you (1 Corinthians 15:33).
34. You make all of your decisions by faith. If you do not believe you should move forward, do not move forward. When in doubt, don’t (Romans 14:23). It could be the Lord detaining your heart.
35. Don’t be controlled by what you see in the mirror. Humbly thank God for what you see. It’s okay to paint the barn, but don’t overpaint or underappreciate who you are.
36. It is better to be old and single than to be old and in a miserable marriage. It is not a sin to wait as long as you need to wait to be married.
37. People will disappoint you. Accept that now and learn how to respond with humility, while focusing on one good trait of the individual who disappointed you.
38. All of your anger will come from your heart, not from the other person or the circumstances in your life (James 4:1-3). If you’re angry, the cause is inside of you. Look there first. That is your best move. If you make that move, the Lord will be on your side (James 4:6).
39. Learn how to cook.
40. Learn how to run a business.
41. It’s okay to order a Sprite when everyone else is drinking alcohol.
42. You don’t have to go to college. Most of the people I counsel have been to college. Smart people sin. You need more than college to live well in God’s world.
43. Don’t ever apologize. “I’m sorry” does not require a response from the person you offended. If you have offended someone, ask them to forgive you. Forgiveness requires a reply from the offended person. You want to clean up your messes fully.
44. Randomly buy people things that don’t cost a lot of money or randomly give them money. God speaks to each one of us personally and practically. You are Jesus to others.
45. When someone bothers you, go ahead and assume you do not have all the facts. Then start problem-solving by asking questions. Always ask more questions than making statements.
46. Don’t let your desires turn into needs. You only have five needs: (1) water, (2) air, (3) food, (4) shelter, and (5) salvation. Everything else is a desire, meaning you don’t need it. You’ll know if your desires have morphed into needs when any of these things happen:
- You become impatient with others.
- You become frustrated with others.
- You become disappointed with others.
- You become demanding of others.
47. Don’t base your decisions on the feelings you are feeling at the moment. Feelings are fleeting. If the Lord wants you to have it, you will have it. Be a real sovereigntist. God loves you, and He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4).
48. Learn how to change the oil in your car. For an added bonus, learn how to change a tire.
49. Work hard and play hard. Chase life. Do not let life chase you.
50. And finally, I will always love you no matter what. There is nothing that you will ever do that will alter my affection for you or my desire to be on your side. I am for you (Romans 8:31). And I want you always to know that there is nothing you cannot tell me. No matter what.
Also published on Medium.