You hurt me, so I don’t love you anymore NS

You hurt me, so I don’t love you anymore

You hurt me, so I don’t love you anymore NSThe most effective way to discern if you are able to understand and live out biblical love is to be put in a relational context in which you are disappointed by someone. Motive, thoughts, words, and practice are the components of love and hate. Relational challenges are the stimuli that will reveal which one controls your heart.

In love

Every young couple gets married because they are in love. About half of these couples become divorced because they are no longer in love. Rarely will anyone challenge the couple before marriage regarding their understanding and practice of love.

We politely assume the young couple knows what they are talking about when they say they are in love. I think if you were to step back from that assumption for a moment and run it through a biblical filter, you may have second thoughts regarding their assessment of love.

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? – Jeremiah 17:9 (ESV)

We can say we love someone, but it is only in the crucible of a trial when our true understanding and practice of love will be revealed. The young couple in love is no different from the rest of us.

I loved my wife before she was my wife. After she became my wife, I began to love her less, even to the point of not loving her anymore. If you ask me, I could spin the conversation by saying something like, “I loved her, but I did not like her,” but that would be intellectual dishonesty–to put it mildly.

Let us not split hairs. Call it what you will. Love. Like. The point is, none of us will know the kind of love we have for another person until something comes between the two of us. This applies to any relationship.

When my marriage got tough, my definition of love was challenged to the point where I decided I did not love my wife anymore. I see this all the time in counseling.

People were in love. Then they fall out of love. They harbor a general dislike for the other person. They either endure to the end or get a divorce. They become former friends who are no longer friends.

And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” -

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About Rick Thomas

Rick has been training in the Upstate of South Carolina since 1997. After several years as a counselor and pastor he founded and launched his own training organization in order to encourage and equip people for more effective living. In the early ’90’s he earned a BA in Theology. Later he earned a BS in Education. In 1993 he was ordained into Christian ministry and in 2000 he graduated with a MA in Counseling. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow with ACBC. Today his organization reaches people in every country through consulting, training, blogging, and coaching.
  • Jim Turner

    I can’t believe you don’t have any comments on this post. This is brilliant. Especially the line Our disappointment in others is proportional to how much we want them to meet our expectations.

    Thank you for this – I think you’ve put your finger on the cornerstone of true love. Truly a blessing to me and I intend to share it with many.

    Jim Turner

  • http://www.RickThomas.Net/ Rick Thomas

    Thank you, Jim. I’m glad you were encouraged and are willing to share. It is why I write.

  • Jim Turner

    Thanks Rick, received msg from Lucia of your FB site. Would love to connect via email with you. She shared where you went to bible college in your testimony – I’m a Bob Jones grad and have a project I’d like to share with you.

  • Doug Graham

    Excellent article! Every married couple should read this one!

  • http://www.RickThomas.Net/ Rick Thomas

    Thank you, Doug. I appreciate you.

  • JD

    This is so good. Someone shared it through FB last night and it
    couldn’t have come at a better time. I was getting totally worked up
    over my husband’s thoughtlessness towards me last night and letting it
    take over. I saw this title and had to read it. It was so good and
    helpful. I love these practical steps to take when you’re in a situation
    where you’ve been wronged.

    “Repentance would look like this:

    She hurt me.

    I am sad by this, but I see the LORD has given me a counter-intuitive Gospel opportunity.

    I am not going to make this about what I am not getting.

    I am going to make this about God and His glory and fame.

    I am now positioned to receive God’s grace for my hurt, while being
    empowered by wisdom and courage to act redemptively toward her.”

    Thanks for this!

  • http://www.RickThomas.Net/ Rick Thomas

    Thank you JD. We are glad you found it helpful.

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