Sex is one of the quickest indicators to find out how a couple is doing in their marriage. Why? Because it is the most intimate thing they will ever physically do together. It’s different from talking, dating, going to dinner, or watching a ballgame.
Sex requires more. Sex demands more from two people. You can do many things as a married couple and still not get along, but sex is the litmus test. It’s not unusual for a couple to attend church together for 30 years and be miserable in their marriage.
You can get away with it and people can be faked out. But when it comes time to be physically intimate with each other, there is no fakery. Though a wife may do her “duty sex” and the man may possibly be oblivious, the fact is the marriage is on hard times.
You can pretend by doing fake sex, but it’s still fake. It’s either right and your marriage is good or it’s not right and your marriage needs help. If your sexual life is bad, there is only one reason for this. The biblical word is sin. Sin separates and the bedroom is the most obvious place to discern if a marriage is right or wrong.
A good counseling question is, “How is your sex life?” or “Talk to me about your sex life.” You’ll know quickly, unless they lie by not revealing the whole truth.
Fortunately the Bible speaks to everything, so we don’t have to go elsewhere to figure out what’s wrong with our marriages or our physical intimacy.
You can’t have sex with layers on
When sin comes into the picture and is not dealt with biblically, the tectonic plates of your sex life will shift and your marriage will be off kilter. You will be out-of-harmony with each other, no matter what kind of front you put on.
The first time this happened was with our first sexual couple. When sin entered the picture in Genesis the division of two people happened. They felt the shame of their sin and begin hiding the truth.
Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. – Genesis 3:7 (ESV)
This one verse explains eloquently, powerfully, and sadly why sex can be such a problem in marriage and how sex is an indicator of the deeper problems a couple can experience.