Counseling Solutions Resources

Relationship Competency – do you qualify to have a spouse?

Posted on September 20, 2012 in Articles under by

What would it be like if you had to qualify to be married? What if being a husband or a wife was on the same level of being selected for a high-ranking job?

It sounds absurd in our culture, where a person is “qualified” to have a relationship by the time he is 10 to 12-years old. It’s called dating and anybody can do it.

Dating is considered a right or expectation among most people today. Except for stick-in-the-mud-archaic-Christians, it’s not considered out-of-line or odd at all for an early teen to have a boyfriend or girlfriend.

While I’m for less government, I do wonder what it would be like if a person had to go through a battery of tests in order to qualify to enter into a relationship with the opposite sex.

I know it’s silly and nothing like that would ever happen, but it is something to ponder. If you were put under the scrutiny of a Relationship Competency Exam, how would you do? Do you qualify to lead a wife? Or, do you qualify to follow a husband?

The closest thing we have to this in our Christian culture is premarital counseling, but that is mostly a collection of meetings to rubber stamp the inevitable. The young couple may be trying to listen, but the outcome is already predetermined–they are going to get married no matter what you say.

Stop by our store and get my free eBook title, So, you want to get married?

I’m not seriously suggesting a Relationship Competency Exam, but I am suggesting more attention needs to be given to what it means to be a spouse. There needs to be more mature critique and practical solutions to a real problem: marriage dysfunction.

A false continuum

I’m not speaking about marriage dysfunction among the unregenerate. Their problem is easy to understand–they must be born again (John 3:7). I’m speaking exclusively to the born again ones–those who say God is their King and they are willingly giving up everything to follow Him.

Those are the ones I interact with on a weekly basis. And if they come to me for counseling, it is because one or both of the spouses do not know how to be a spouse. There is a significant competency problem in many Christian marriages.

They do not qualify to be married. It seems to me like it’s a general assumption if you’re a male, you know how to

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