Going over your husband’s head in order to help him

Mailbag - I struggle with the concept of a wife discipling her husband. I read most of the articles you post on Facebook, yet struggle with what that would look like. I believe that I am to be my husband’s help-meet, under his authority, not a woman teaching a man. 

I believe much, if not all, of my role is to provide what he needs and wants when he needs and wants it in order for him to accomplish the ministry to which God has called him. What you say appeals to me, but usually that means my flesh is rising up and trying to usurp authority over him. Can you explain just a bit more what you mean by wives discipling their husbands?

The inquirer is responding to two of my articles, which can be found on our Membership Site:

  1. How a wife can lead her husband
  2. Practical thoughts on leading your husband from behind

I think sometimes a wife can confuse her various roles as a wife, which is what may be going on here.

Maybe she has a narrow and/or wrong view of what a wife should be in her marriage.

It could be that she has bought into the lie that wives are a metaphorical doormat to their husbands. Maybe her husband perpetuates this myth. I don’t know. Whatever the case may be, she is humbly asking for help regarding one of the most important issues in a woman’s life–her marriage.

Bear with me – this is not a linguistic rant

The first place I would begin with her is to try to understand what she means when she uses the word helpmeet. This would be more than an opportunity for me to go on a linguistic rant.

If we don’t know who we are, then it will be difficult to live out the roles that God has called us to live out. The obvious implication of the question being asked is that she is unsure of her roles and responsibilities as a wife.

In such a case, I would not want to assume that she understands the full meaning of what a wife means–a helper who is suitable for her specific husband, which she calls a helpmeet.

Helpmeet is not a word, or it was never intended to be a word. I think because of the broad use of the term in the English-speaking world it has been allowed into our language as a word. In the beginning it

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About Rick Thomas

Rick has been training in the Upstate of South Carolina since 1997. After several years as a counselor and pastor he founded and launched his own training organization in order to encourage and equip people for more effective living. In the early ’90’s he earned a BA in Theology. Later he earned a BS in Education. In 1993 he was ordained into Christian ministry and in 2000 he graduated with a MA in Counseling. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow with ACBC. Today his organization reaches people in every country through consulting, training, blogging, and coaching.
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